Week 17: This is the End!

Congratulations! You made it to the end of the regular season. We’re doing you a solid by keeping these notes short this week.

The NFL is funny. Each team gets a bye week. The first 4 games are effectively the preseason as teams try to work things out, and Week 17 doesn’t matter for almost all the teams. So in a 17 week season, 6 of the weeks are pretty meaningless for fans. That seems like a lot of dead time.

Roger Goodell will go down in history as the guy with the best timing ever. He presided over massive growth in popularity and will be gone by the time current high school kids and younger pass on the NFL en masse, because of the whole “football causes brain damage” and “anything longer than 90 seconds does not get my attention” things.

I would not want to be the next commissioner of the NFL.

HOUSTON (10-5)   -7.5 vs  Jacksonville (5-10)

Houston playing for a bye next week. They’re going to be scary if they have a week off. Jacksonville is just waiting for this atrocious season to end so they can go back to Jacksonville. Hey, at least they got rid of those ridiculous two-tone helmets.

Texans -7.5
2 fireball shots

NEW ENGLAND (10-5)  -13.5  vs NY Jets (4-11)

So if you listen to any football podcast, all they’re talking about this week is how the Pats will fall into a first round bye and then have a much easier walk to the super bowl while the other good AFC teams have to beat each other up. That’s how far inside everyone’s heads the Patriots have gotten through the Brady/Belichick tenure.

But Father Time is ruthless. Also the Jets are kind of pains in the ass. The Pats may win this game but this line is written to entice the public. The Pats team that would just come in and roll over people by 2+ touchdowns left the field in 2015.

Jets +13.5
3 Fireball Shots!

BUFFALO (5-10)   -3.5  vs Miami (7-8)


Miami will come up short of the playoffs this year. They're going to win this game and their fans will justify by saying “hey, nobody expected this team to be much of anything.” Note to Miami fans: that’s kind of what 8-8 is.

Dolphins +3.5
1 fireball shot

GREEN BAY (6-8-1)  -7.5  vs Detroit (5-10)


Packers will come up short of the playoffs this year. They're going to win this game and their fans will justify by saying “hey, nobody expected this team to be much of anything.” Note to Packers fans: that’s kind of what 8-8 is.

Packers -7.5
1 fireball shot

NY GIANTS (5-10)  -6.5  vs Dallas (9-6)

This game is meaningless. Like every Giants game since week 3. Of the 2017 season. The Giants will win by a lot because that’s how we’re going to get 5 more years of Eli.

Giants -6.5
2 fireball shots

TAMPA BAY (5-10)  -0.5  vs Atlanta (6-9)

What a disappointing season for the Falcons. They looked like the Giants in Week 1. Play calling so bad that the execution didn't even matter. But we called that they’re going to look like world beaters the last few weeks just to troll the fans. They might hang 50 on a terrible Bucs team.

Falcons +0.5
3 Fireball Shots!

NEW ORLEANS (13-2)  -7.5  vs Carolina (6-9)

Cam Newton mercifully was shut down last week so he can rest his shoulder. We hope that’s not a chronic injury but it doesn’t sounds good.

Pop quiz: Who played QB for the Panthers last week? Exactly. It was Taylor Heinicke, who we think had to ask for the day off from his full time gig working at an ATV repair shop near Uptown Charlotte to take the start. Unfortunately he went directly to the IR after the game. So the next in line is Kyle Allen, an undrafted free agent who didn't even get a combine invite.

The Saints are giving Teddy Bridgewater the start, which is a feel-good story. Feels good for everyone except Taysom Hill, who saw a lot of snaps all over the field this year but apparently isn't ready to get the car keys.

The Saints are also trying to win 14 games for the first time in franchise history. It’s an emotional team led by a coach who isn't afraid to run up the score.

This line should be 21.

Saints -7.5
3 Fireball shots!

KANSAS CITY (11-4)  -13.5  vs Oakland (4-11)

Chiefs are playing for the first round bye. We think they’ll get it because of the whole “Chargers best wild-card team ever” storyline we’ve been pushing since like week 4. But the Raiders are the Raiders. Like the Saints, they’re an emotional team. We assume that their coach also wouldn't be shy about running up the score ….. if they ever got a big lead.

They also don't have a place to play next year. Leading candidate for a temporary home is AT&T Park in San Francisco. You gotta wonder: why another baseball stadium? Would it surprise anyone if the new stadium being built in Vegas has a pitchers mound?

First the Warriors, then the Raiders going across the Bay. Does San Francisco think they can just take Oakland’s nice things?

Note to San Francisco: Do not antagonize the Raider Nation. They riot for fun over there in Oak-Town.

Oakland +13.5
1 fireball shot

Bonus Prop: Most devastating event in San Francisco history:
1904 Earthquake: +130
2018 Oakland Traveling Riot: -150

PITTSBURGH (8-6-1) -14.5 vs. Cincinnati (6-9)

Pittsburgh needs to win and for Baltimore to lose or tie to make the playoffs. Baltimore is playing Cleveland so a tie is 100% on the table. For some reason, Hue Jackson is still on the sidelines for Cincinnati and is the leading candidate to take over as head coach if Marvin Lewis does not return. For real, I’m not even kidding.

1 Fireball Shot

BALTIMORE (9-6) -5.5 vs. Cleveland (7-7-1)

With a win, Baltimore wins the AFC Central. There is even a wild scenario where Baltimore can come out of this game with a first round playoff bye.

Cleveland has 7 wins coming into this game. One can only imagine what this team might have accomplished if Hue Jackson had been fired prior to the season like everyone expected.

1 Fireball Shot

MINNESOTA (8-6-1) -4.5 vs. Chicago (11-4)

If Minnesota wins, they are in the playoffs as the 2nd wild card (6th seed). If the LA Rams win (likely), Chicago will finish as the 3rd seed in the NFC. Meaning, the Vikings and Bears will play again next week in Chicago. If LA takes an early lead, Chicago will sit all starters.

3 Fireball Shots

Philadelphia (8-7) -6.5 @ WASHINGTON (7-8)

The Eagles still have a slim chance at the playoffs, needing a Minnesota loss coupled with a win in Washington. The Eagles will do their part, but the Vikings should also win sending the Eagles home. This is great news as it gives Nick Foles more time to prepare for his role as the NY Giants starting QB next season.

PICK: Philadelphia -6.5
1 Fireball Shot

SEATTLE (9-6) -12.5 vs. Arizona (3-12)

I think this game is already 21-0 and it’s only going to get worse. Good news Cardinals fans, your team will be picking first in April.

3 Fireball Shots

LA Chargers (11-4) -6.5 @ DENVER (6-9)

Last the time the Chargers played the Broncos, they somehow lost 23-22 on a last second field goal. Since that game, Philip Rivers has had at least 1 child (probably more) and the Chargers have clinched a spot in the playoffs. With a win and a KC loss, the Chargers win the AFC West. KC is playing the Raiders, so the Chargers will likely go into the playoffs as a wild-card at 12-4.

PICK: LA Chargers -6.5
3 Fireball Shots

LA RAMS (12-3) -10.5 vs. San Francisco (4-11)

May I have your attention, please?
May I have your attention, please?
Will the real LA Rams please stand up?
I repeat, will the real LA Rams please stand up?

3 Fireball Shots

Indianapolis (9-6) -0.5 @ TENNESSEE (9-6) 

Marcus Mariota is questionable for Sunday night’s game. The winner of this game makes the playoffs and the loser goes home. Since I have no idea who the back-up QB is in Tennessee, I’m going with the Colts.

PICK: Indianapolis -0.5
3 Fireball Shots