Week 8 (Part 2): We have Sinned!

Still apologizing for our 4-10 Week 7. Of course we started this week 0-1 by violating the “Don’t bet on Brock Osweiler unless he’s playing the Bears” rule.


Baltimore (4-3) -1.5  at  CAROLINA (4-2)

* The “Only blog not talking about Justin Tucker” Pick of the Week

We are lone wolves. We eschew the obvious. We resist the tyranny of the crowd. Remember, we’re the ones that endorsed ex-Major Leaguer and Afro Hall of Fame member Oscar Gamble for a Presidential bid. Sadly, Gamble passed away unexpectedly. We say vote for him anyway! You’re telling us a dead guy wouldn't be better?

So while the entire world is talking about Justin Tucker’s shank job that lost the game last week, we’re looking forward. But to do that we first looked back. We are 1-6 this year picking Ravens games.

My instinct tells me Ravens, that the defense will keep Cam in check. Ravens fans would agree, calling for mean reversion in our picks. Tell them all I’m sorry, but we’ve gotta mix it up a bit.

Panthers +1.5
1 Fireball shot

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DETROIT (3-3)  -3.5  vs  Seattle (3-3)

You gotta take the hook if you can get it. This has -3 written all over it. If you want a good moneyline pick, take Seattle. Off their bye week and secretly taking care of business. 3-1 in last 4 with only loss a squeaker to the Rams. But they’re always one Wilson hit away from Jimmy G-level season catastrophe.  You probably get +130 on the bet.

Seahawks +3.5
2 Fireball shots


Indianapolis (2-5)  -2.5  at  OAKLAND (1-5)
* The “I Have Sinned Against You” History Lesson Pick of the Week*

So Derek Carr got sacked hard, got a boo boo on his arm, and may or may not have cried like a baby. The video evidence is inconclusive, but that never stopped us.

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It was a Jimmy Swaggart Moment. Swaggart, for those younger than 35. He was a massive televangelist through the early 80s, the biggest of the weekend television churches. He is also our Gen X’s poster child blubbering crybaby.

Ol’ Jimmy got trapped up in a hooker scandal and subsequent coverup. When it became clear that he was going to lose his meal ticket, he took to the airwaves in a tearful apology that has been undefeated for 30+ years.

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Didn't work. He got defrocked (which is a funny way to describe the downfall of a reverend who couldn't keep his pants on) and more tragically lost his national audience. The interwebs tell me he’s still on the air but diminished in scope and influence. You know, now instead of healing people he hands out Advil, and instead of wine he turns the water into Zima. Purely second rate.

Carr and the Raiders are in the Swaggart Zone. They’ll pick up a W here and there but the magic is gone.

Colts +2.5
3 Fireball Shots!

PSA: A more recent NFL crying incident that came to mind was Luke Keuchly after yet another major concussion. But no. NFL players crying on the field because of continued head injuries? Never funny. Television reverends who like picking up hookers, but get caught and eventually defrocked? Always funny.


LA RAMS (7-0)  -9.5  vs  Green Bay (3-2-1)

The Rams aren't going to go undefeated. They’re also losing the LA crowd to the Dodgers (for a couple more days at least) and to the LeBron James Traveling Middle School Drama Club. Aaron Rodgers will keep this close.

Packers +9.5
2 Fireball shots


ARIZONA (1-6)  -0.5  vs  San Francisco (1-6)
* The Sesame Street “One of These Things is Not Like the Other” Pick of the Week*

Thank God for the Rams. If not for them this would be the Fox 4PM broadcast in California. As it is we feel sorry for the good people of Arizona. Find a good sports bar or buy the package. The other two games are waaaay better. I heard even The Red Zone Channel turned this game down.

Cardinals -0.5
1 Fireball shot


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MINNESOTA (4-2-1)  -0.5  vs  New Orleans (5-1)

Drew Brees in primetime! Laissez les bon temps roulez!

The Saints win by outscoring you. They hung 40 on the Bucs in their only loss, back in week 1. They even scored 21 and avoided overtime vs Cleveland.

Cleveland is the NFL’s version of a fairly well-trained pet boa constrictor . It squeezes, but eventually lets you go … but every once in a while it accidentally strangles you.

Kirk Cousins and the Minnesota offense is the NFL’s version of a Roman Candle. It sounds cool, it goes off every once in a while, and it looks dangerous. But really, it’s pretty tame and totally manageable.

Saints +0.5
3 Fireball Shots!


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New England (5-2)  vs  -13.5  vs  BUFFALO (2-5)
* The Darth Vader “Give into your anger and fulfill your destiny” Pick of the Week *

I’m sure you noticed that the Rebels didn’t have a lot of nice things. Same thing with the resistance on Battlestar Galactica. Not a lot of profit going against the Dark Side.

Pats -13.5
2 Fireball shots